How it all started...

So... many people have asked me how this blog got started and the truth is it came from a simple email that started out between 3 friends after the Season 3 premiere. Just commenting on what we thought about the first episode. Week 1 below was my response. It grew from there. I sent "recaps" every week in email form. Pretty soon I was getting emails from people i didn't know asking to be put on the "original" email list so they didn't have to wait or be forgotten about from the friend that sent them the recap each week. When season 4 started I decided to do a blog. So there you go. I feel like some of my work since I started the blog hasn't been as good as the originals... but then again I also don't think season 4 was as good as season 3. HOPEFULLY season 5 will rock! Hope you enjoy... 'How it all started'!!!!

Week 1: Favorite Moments:
-We all need a friend like Whitney to tell us when our alcohol eyes have set in and we are attempting to hook up with the British guy that is not quite as hot as we think he is!
-That was in fact a cat and not a miniature dog (which is bad enough in its own right) that was wearing the sweater.
-Light yellow… ehhhhh! (cause we all know airbrush graffiti art looks much better on the walls of a $500,000 beachside condo)
-“What’s this”… “A protein shake”… “No, No… what is THIISSSSS”
-I don’t know about you guys, but I am with Heidi all the way! When I started a nasty sex tape rumor about my best friend and then invited her to my house warming party and she didn’t come I was PISSED! So I too wrote her a letter and gave it to her at the most inappropriate time!
-I am totally pissed that Audrina put a bright turquoise tattoo the size of a football on the back of her neck. That was my idea!
-Real friends went to the house warming party!
-My mom would have been as cool as a cucumber too if a sex tape of me and my ex had been supposedly leaked on the internet. I mean she just wouldn’t want me to get caught up in everything and become unfocused.
-LC is finally learning that “she needs to just keep her opinions to herself, cause they just get her in trouble”

Skipped week two… I know I know…

Week 3: The Positive and the Negatives
The Positive: The jeweler told Heidi that she has a beautiful ring.
The Negative: The ring... and the fact that the jeweler didn’t tell her it is a fake.

The Positive: Heidi and Spencer are going to Colorado.
The Negative: The cameras followed.

The Positive: Spencer will be at the BBQ in spirit.
The Negative: Spencer will only be at the BBQ in spirit (come on admit it… you wanted to see a little cat fight between Spencer and Lauren)

The Positive: Brody and Lauren are friends again.
The Negative: Lauren forgives, but doesn’t forget… so breaks his finger.

The Positive: Heidi’s mom (and the rest of us) will finally find out what really went down between Heidi and Lauren.
The Negative: Heidi can’t say because cameras are taping her every word.

The Positive: Brody finally gives Lauren permission to laugh at him.
The Negative: But not without making her feel like a total bi-otch for laughing at him when he was feeling insecure.

The Positive: Spencer tells Heidi’s parents she is an angel.
The Negative: They then have to choke back the “hands down best chocolate soufflé ever” that they just consumed.

The Positive: Sometimes a girl just needs to be able to have a good drunk cry.
The Negative: Having that good drunk cry on television.

The Positive: Justin Bobby really is hot.
The Negative: “Homeboy wore combat boots to the beach”

The Positive: Audrina is finally done. She can’t do it anymore.
The Negative: Apparently she really isn’t.

Next Week: Spencer and Brody break up!!!

Week 4: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
The Good: Spencer and Brody broke up
The Bad: Brody feels like he is back in high school.
The Ugly: Spencer’s temper tantrum that he threw throughout the entire episode due to Brody’s “lack of loyalty”

The Good: The word tiff.
The Bad: Lauren was almost named Tiffany.
The Ugly: The hurt you felt for anyone named Tiffany as they went on about how it was a “stripper name”… and when I say hurt I mean from the stomach cramping that occurred as they made the awful… ewwwww faces!!

The Good: Lo… best line all night was ''Oh. He should probably be your boyfriend by now.''
The Bad: The El Camino Justin Bobby picked Audrina up in.
The Ugly: Justin Bobby just doesn’t give an F about labels. Everyone should literally go F themselves.

The Good: Jen Bunney’s new nose… can anyone believe that Heidi called her out on it… whatever miss new boobs!
The Bad: The fact that we have gone back to the awkward “no one says a word during a meal” phase
The Ugly: Heidi blaming the rumors on Brody.

The Good: Lauren and Brody are having “friendly sleepovers”
The Bad: Frankie talking about it in front of everyone at the Roosevelt pool.
The Ugly: There ain’t no ugly in this one… get it when you can girl!

Okay… That’s it for this week. Next week will hopefully be better because Jason is back!!!! Although… seems kind of anti-climatic since he is engaged. Anyway… until then!

Week 5: 20 Questions
1) “Why is it just when you get things together you hear from the one person who can pull it all apart?”
2) Where can I get one of those pagers that keeps up with what is going on in my friends’ lives?
3) Why didn’t Lauren ask “What kind of name is Jarett?” When she was asking “What kind of trainer are you?”?
4) How daft is Elodie?!?! Could she not see right threw Heidi when she said she had been there for two years?
5) What exactly DID Heidi do to get that job? Spencer said he thought she should do “whatever it took”.
6) If Lauren actually did stab her eye out… which do you think she would soak up the goo with?
a TEAM HEIDI shirt
a 40 cent “vintage tee” from New Jersey
7) Do you think Derek will be sticking his tongue out at Lauren when he proposes?
8) What would Lauren have done at work that day if she was color blind?
9) How can Lauren break her one date curse?
10) How long do you think Brent “thought about” Heidi getting the promotion?
11) Do you laugh every time Lo says Justin Bobby?
12) How many days would you go without touching your lover if you were given $500 a day?
13) What did Derek’s message say? Why didn’t Lauren put it on speaker?
14) Do you think Heidi should let Spencer decorate her new office?
15) Is “Is that a new purse?” really all Heidi could come up with to say to Elodie?
16) What were Justin Bobby and Audrina doing behind those dunes?
17) Why couldn’t Justin Bobby spring to get another rose sticker for Audrina’s helmet?
18) How hot is Jason now?!?!
19) Why oh why must we go back to the silent lunches and coffee visits?
20) Who is worse… Heidi or Sarah Silverman?

I know I say this every week… but I am so pumped for next week!! They just keep getting better and better!!!

Week 6: the ABC’s of The Hills
A… Audrina’s got a BOYFRIEND!!!
B… Bi-otchs!!! You know who I am talking about!
C… Crickets Chirping… that is what they should have had as the “background music” as Heidi sat speechless after Elodie shamed her.
D… Denied… as in Lauren! How much did she want Jason to kiss her in the car?!?
E… Elodie’s looks of hatred at Heidi every morning definitely had her on edge.
F… F’er… That is what Jason for getting Lauren’s hopes up! Letting her plan “sober dates”! He should be ashamed of himself. Oh wait! It’s Jason!
G… Grin… I want to smack that Cheshire Cat Grin off of Spencer’s face every time I see it. GOO!
H… Horrible Heidi… I will now refer to her as HH.
I… Importing HH’s phone numbers is a VERY important job for intern Lacey!
J… Jeez Louise! I can’t believe she said it! Even Spencer looked shocked by HH’s “movie making” comment!
K… Ketchup… really? Are Mayonnaise and Mustard opening soon?
L… Lisa Love finally decided to grace us with her presences for the first time this evening.
M… MIA tonight… Lo, Brody and Justin Bobby… I missed those guysL
N… Nervous wreck! Even though I know it was planned… I was a nervous wreck as Spencer & HH walked up to Ketchup as Jason & LC sat unknowingly inside!
O… OMG!!!! That is what I was yelling over and over all night last night! Like every 5 seconds!
P… Priorities… at least HH has hers in order… phone calls from Spencer, Brent and Jen (in that order)… always go straight thru!
Q… Question… did HH really think that she could confide in Elodie? I mean did she not get that Elodie now sports the TEAM LAUREN shirt!
R… Red Lights… that’s how Lauren wants to decorate her apartment? Maybe she Spencer should join forces and open a business!
S… Shirley Temple? Really? HH thought she could send over a Shirley Temple as a “water under the bridge” gesture?
T… Terrible Two-some… again… you know who I am talking about!
U… “Under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh” - The one place LC will never let HH stand.
V… Very sad that there was not a Le Duex outing this week. KIDDING! Kids have got to get a new hangout!
W… Whitney is my hero. She was not pleased with Lauren’s choice to rekindle with Jason.
X… eXhausted… stabbing people in the back really is taking it out of HH.
Y… Yellow top that Whitney was rocking while they scouted hotels was so awesome!
Z… Zero… zilch… that is apparently how much Jason has told Lauren about his girlfriend and
Spencer has told his parents about his engagement!

Week 7: Letters of Wisdom
It is obvious that last nights episode wanted to focus on exactly how young our “young cast” is. While I only have a few years on them… a lady never reveals her age… I do feel like I could give them these “Words of Wisdom”

Dear J- Wall,
While I am so glad that you are back on the scene… minus the slurring… I do feel like you could use a few pointers in restoring your relationship with your former flame. First, when accompanying a young lady to a nice restaurant please refrain from wearing the same shirt that the dancing Jean Claude Van Damme wears in the video that has been passed around to all of our emails. I know you might feel like you need to call on the “great one” to muster up all the strength you have to drop the BOMB on LC that you are about to drop, but please… if for no other reason, you are on national television and no one wants to see that. Now moving on to the big news. Did you really think that you could butter LC up for the past couple of weeks the way that you did and then just expect her to be okay with her meeting your girlfriend… Who you had obviously never mentioned before that moment? Then you invite her to a house warming party because you and Kasha have decided to move in together. Really? Now lets move on to the party itself. First, tell your girl (who I am not completely convinced isn’t 15 years old) that you are all hers. LC gets it. She doesn’t need you two making out in front of her to prove a point. She dumped you, remember? Is her dumping you the reason you felt it necessary to invite her to what turned out not to be a house warming party, but an announcement party? Come on. I know revenge is best served cold, but dude… that is just low! How can you expect her to be happy for you? I hope that these “words of wisdom” will help you learn from you past mistakes. Until then. xoxo

Dear Whitney,
While I am so very inspired by your wardrobe, I must say that I am not inspired by your work ethic. I know, you tired to talk those silly boys out of taking “just one more shot”, but please… did you not take to heart what Lisa Love (aka the scary lady) said to you just hours before? She warned you that bands are notoriously hard to work with and that you would be held accountable for everything. Sometimes a girl has to lay down the law! When “women’s size 8” (it takes a real man to admit that on national TV) invites you out… you say no THEN!!! Don’t get to the bar and then try to talk some sense into them!! Of course they are going to take shot after shot and convince you to take some with them! I mean… I know I can never resist a shot… or 5… when I am offered them. That is where you went wrong. Oh! And you went wrong when you wore jeans that made you look like you had toothpicks for legs. Stick to the dresses. xoxo

Dear HH and Cheshire Cat,
Where to begin? Now I know registering can be a pain in the ass… actually I don’t KNOW… but I have heard. But come on! You are getting stuff for FREE! Take advantage. I do believe that it was just a few short episodes ago that you guys were eating off of paper plates on your only piece of furniture… the couch. Cheshire I know that it is hard to register for vintage arcade games and neon paint, but you asked HH to marry you. We all make mistakes… suck it up! Not telling your parents that you are engaged is not going to rewind time! And HH, just because he calls you Princess and buys you new boobs… doesn’t mean he isn’t a snake in the grass. Oh Wait!! That’s you!!! Disregard all I have said… age has nothing to do with it… you two are PERFECT for each other and will I am sure live happily ever after! xoxo

Dear Bunney,
Love the new nose! While I know you are so excited to be a bridesmaid… just watch your back. HH will soon find a way to screw you over! She apparently can’t picture her life with out the Cheshire Cat, but can picture her life with no friends! Just a word of warning. xoxo

Dear LC,
While I don’t totally agree with all the choices you make in life… ie: ever answering J-Wall’s phone call… I do have to say that you seem to have your head on your shoulders more than the others, I guess. Props to you on the way you handled Jason’s news. Most girls your age would have thrown the drink that you were sipping on in his face and called him a bastard. I like that you have more class than that. You also handled yourself very well at the news of his engagement. Calling him an idiot was clearly the way to go! I am also so very glad that while you love Jason, you are glad that it was not you announcing your engagement. B the W… I look to you each week for my new favorite quote to go on my Facebook profile and you never seem to let me down! If we should ever happen to meet I will be the girl with the t-shirt that says “Team LC” on the front and “Keggers and Bob Marley” on the back! You inspire me. Rock On!! xoxo

Dear Lo,
You don’t call. You don’t write. I feel as if you have abandoned your many fans! We all wait anxiously for your return! Till next week. xoxo

Week 8: Viva Las Vegas!
In honor of Brody’s B-Day Bash and the MTV Awards both hittin’ the Vegas Strip in the same month we are gonna have a little awards show this afternoon. Only difference between my awards and the MTV awards is that the viewers don’t actually have any say in the outcome of the winner :)

Category: Best Hookup
Lo and Frankie- I actually did a double take and had to rewind my Tivo to make sure I saw it correctly. Yup… these two ultimate sidekicks took a little break from setting up their BFF’s and found some time to get a little action of their own! Love it and respect it!

Category: Best Temper Tantrum
Audrina- I have to say… this one was right up there with Spencer’s from a few weeks ago when he and Brody broke up. I don’t know if it was the spinning bed or the dramatic claim that she would never speak to him again if that is what her friends wanted or the fact that she was TOTALLY bombed… but it deserves an award for all the drama. Hopefully she went back to her room and Justin Bobby serenaded her sweetly with his guitar!

Category: Best Random Person
Jill- Who is this person and how did she get on the Vegas trip??? Did she take Whitney’s place because Whit hooked up with Brody and felt weird about going to Vegas for him?!? If that is the case… NOT COOL! I am going to take a cue from my good friend Sarah and say that I refuse to like the new girl! My plate is full. Go home Jill.

Category: Best at Ignoring People
Justin Bobby- Maybe he really is still mad at Lo and Lauren for STILL calling him Justin Bobby! I think the guy managed to make it through the entire weekend without saying two words to them! Not even “thank you” for the shots! Who does that?!?! At least their “water under the bridge” gesture was alcoholic. It could have been a Shirley Temple.

Category: Best Peacekeeper
Brody- He can see everyone’s side in all fights that ever occur! He just wants to live his life without drama. Really?!?! You do know that MTV is paying you to be friends with these people because the show THRIVES on drama right!?! No one likes the peacekeeper… we LOVE the instigator!

Category: Best Quote
Lauren-Yes you heard her right! And they were by far the BEST words that have plummeted out of Lauren’s mouth since we met her 3 years ago back in Laguna! You all know which ones I am talking about because they were so great that MTV even felt the need to caption them just in case we couldn’t hear. 5…4…3…2…1… “I just saw Lo’s Britney” Love it!

Category: Best Moment
Elodie- HOLY SHIZ-NIT!!! That is all I could say as I sat there and watched Elodie tell Heidi “Sure, anything for you”. Was she REALLY going hang Heidi out to dry? Hell yeah she was! And you know what… I bet she was knockin’ back margaritas (in honor of Heidi of course) with a big ole smile on her face the next night. That is what I wish they had really caught on tape. Not Spencer once again staring Heidi down with his “wife beater” eyes. It was a classic moment and I give Elodie MAJOR props for it! The whole thing was so well orchestrated. Sure she could have just said “Sorry Heidi. Today is my last day” and let her know in advance that she was actually going to have to put her work before her personal life and miss her anniversary dinner, but this… this was about revenge. Of course she let Heidi think that she had her back and that she knew it was just business. Heidi made it personal and so did she! Well played Elodie… Well played. We all tip our hats!

Category: Best Cameo
Jodie Low- It was only for a split second (because apparently Jodes had a minor/major freakout moment when she saw LC and the girls) but our dear friend Jodie Low is there when they arrive in Las Vegas! Way to go Jodes!

Week 9: Disturbia
So my Tivo was obviously playing a joke on me... this could not POSSIBLY be The Hills that I so dearly love. I was disturbed for many reasons... betcha wanna know what they are... so here we go... in no particular order:)

1) LC actually had lunch with Jen Bunney! TRAITOR... Lauren you can not get me hatin' the Bunney and then decide to go forgiving her on your own!! While I knew early on that you were blowing everything out of proportion... YOU convinced me (and many other loyal followers) to hate her! Any further reconciliations (aka... HH) must not occur unless you have consulted someone.

2) I THINK I might have actually thought that Brent was a good boss last night?!?! I mean he actually reprimanded HH! My question is... when he gave her the "you should have told SOMEONE that you were trading with Elodie" speech and she looked at him clueless as to what he was talking about... why didn't he say... are you following a word I am saying here? Not just... don't let it happen again. Oh wait! He can't have her quit... he needs that cameras... that's why he didn't light into her... again!!!

3) I liked Justin Bobby! I know right there is reason enough for me to lose my Hills privileges. But I did... He didn't totally bug me. He didn't blow up like Spencer would have for Audrina forgiving Lauren so easily. He just wants to be chill. So last night he didn't totally suck. That might change very quickly, but I like that he gets that Lauren has some issues when it comes to her friends and guys. Worked for me last night.

4) SAY IT AIN'T SO!!!! I think Brody might have done it! Mr. Jenner was totally shades last night! I don't want to be naive like LC. I definitely think he had a hand in the whole sex tape scandal. I just don't think that Spencer could have acted alone! And for those of you that say "but he swore... 100% he knew that Spencer did it" of course he said that! He had Lauren sitting right in front of him unwilling to drop the subject until he did. My heart broke a little last night!

5) Heidi is innocent?!?! Maybe, she just may be innocent AND I truly think that she thought that Spencer was innocent... until the very end. Did everyone else see the look on her face when she asked him about it? I think that was the moment she got a clue! Too bad she still feels like she needs him!

6) And lastly the MOST disturbing thing about last night...nothing funny happened! Nothing... notta... zilch! I don't think I laughed once. That made me sad... Hopefully next week will be better!

Don't hate the player... hate the game! This week was weak... and so is this wrap up! Sorry about that guys! Also, I have a new email (as you can tell). If you are someone who gets this on a forward and have emailed to add you to the original list and I didn't add you... its nothing personal... I just don't have your email. Remind me again! Peace out peeps!

Week 10: It’s baaaaaack!!!!
Now THAT's what I am talking about! Last night's episode rocked it out!! So many great moments!! Start to finish! Everyone... minus Justin Bobby... was back in full force! Soooo... let's get started!!

1) First of all... holy moly I want Lauren and Whitney's job!! I mean yeah I have always thought that they have had a sweet gig at Teen Vogue... but holla!!! They got to spend all day looking at male models! Whad up?!?! That is AWESOME!!

2) Once again it is proven that HH is a complete MORAN! I mean besides the fact that she is STILL with the Cheshire Cat... she once had the opportunity to go out with hottie Gavin (he rocked that pink and grey)! I mean true if she had have gone out with him then it would have never possible for Lauren to go out with him... unless she is total hypocrite! And if Lauren hadn't gone out with Gavin then she would have never realized that she is in True with Brody... more on that later though:)

3) Laren's got a date!! Woo hoo! She says that it has been like 3 weeks since she has had a real date, but the only date I can think of is her night at Ketchup and can you really call that a date since hello JASON HAS A FIANCE'!!! Even if you thought it was a date at the time you don't go saying afterwards that it was a date! You erase that whole night from your mind! From the Shirley Temple to the awkward "he really isn't going to kiss me" moment in the car! Can she count Vegas? Does taking a turn on the spinning bed really classify as a date? Am I missing a boy in between Jason and Brody?!?!

4) Brody gets JEALOUS!!!!! Deny it all he wants the boy was red the whole day! If you have to justify before hand that you are gonna give the guy a hard time then... hello wake up you got it bad for the girl! Anyone that knows me knows that I am the "guys' girl" and NONE of my guys are that protective of me!! Sure they haze a little... but they don't drill the guy about his entire relationship history while grilling some turkey dogs and boca burgers!

5) Gavin loves to camp and eat salmon rolls! While I give the guy mad props for showing up at the BBQ for a girl he barely knows... he doesn't do a very good job of listening to the things she doesn't like. I loved the friend, Justin... one name, not two, that he brought "Dude... don't tell the girl you love to go camping all the time when she just said she hates it"! And Lo... oh how I love Lo! Did anyone else have a total Troop Beverley Hills moment when she asked if he stayed at the hotel there on Catilina when she found out they had been camping?!?! More on the salmon rolls later.

6) I don't think New York Elodie is gonna put up with HH bitching and whining about the Cheshire Cat!! She sho nuff told her that she just needed to deal with his temper tantrum when she got home!

7) Spencer had another and then another and then yet another temper tantrum about HH's new job! Does ANYONE know what he does during the day besides shop for arcade games to junk up their condo? I also think this was the first time that he had ever stepped foot inside Bolthouse. What happened to the klassy pickup and drop off in the back alley?!?!

8) Lauren's date went... no sparks. Of course there were no sparks. The only sparks Lauren saw that weekend were the ones from the bonfire that she gazed thru as she was in a love lock with Brody! Poor Gavin... he never stood a chance! And then he once again didn't pay attention to what she was saying when she said she didn't like salmon. I thought she was going to upchuck that huge roll as she tried so hard to say "its good". Gavin knew when she called him "normal" that a 2nd date was not in their future!

9) "Does it really matter?"... Yet again Lauren has the best line of the night!!! True it was followed VERY closely by Lo's statement that she loves passing judgment on people... but still it was so great and Brody's face when she said it was priceless! I know they do some EXCELLENT editing on this show... but OMG... I LOVE LODEY!!
So there we go! I was soooooo very happy that the gang was able to bounce back from last week. I was worried there for a moment. Who I am kidding... I always have faith that there is plenty of drama to go around!!
Til next week!
xoxo

Week 11: Eeenie Meenie Minie Moe... Last night did nothing for me, but here we go!!!

Last night I actually went into a moment of panic when my power went out at 8:30 with very little hope of it returning before checking in with the gang at 9. I called my sister frantically and as she chuckled and mocked me she promised not to erase it off her Tivo until I was able to watch (she is the liz.fairybell email by the way and would have been equally devastated if I had not gotten to watch). Then with 5 mins to spare the power came back on... my heart leapt and I was eager for my Tivo to "Power Up" and start recording! Literally as LC was narrorating "previously on The Hills" I was up and running!! Thank Heavens!! What would I have done without my weekly dose of Lody (I spelled it wrong last week.. hee)!?! Then it all came crashing down! That was almost as boring of an episode as 2 weeks ago. My heart fell! So this week I am going to let you guys be the judges... what did you think? I ask you the following (rhetorical) questions...

1) What did you think of the church that Whitney scouted as a location for the "Young Hollywood Party"? Did my ears deceive me or did she actually think it would be cool to turn the confessionals into phone booths??? I mean don't get me wrong, the building itself was stellar... but is that really appropriate?

2) Why was it necessary for a) Whitney to go all the way to NYC to present an idea for a LA party and b) Lauren to go with her? Did anyone else think that it was almost unbearable to watch as a poor overdressed Whitney struggled thru her presentation? Amy and the NYC gang seemed brutal! How brilliant was the editing that Whitney of course said that she was so glad that Lauren was going to be with her b/c she did not want to do the presentation by herself, just as Amy sends Lauren on a mad dash downtown? Why did Lauren go to the Marc Jacobs casting call? Doesn't he have like a TRILLON interns to do all the scut work for him? Did Lauren seem less than enthusiastic to meet her idol? I know when my sister got to meet her idol Jon Bon Jovi she almost ruined the chances for anyone else in the family to meet anyone cool b/c she acted like an insane psycho fan (that'll teach you to mock me)!

3) Did Spencer almost seem sincere when he was talking to Frankie? Who knew Frankie worked at Area? Was Frankie almost adult like in his conversation with Spencer by telling him he was acting like a child? When was Spencer's birthday and why did we not know about the "make up" phone call? Did Spencer really say "Hit me up"? Will Brody ever "Hit Him Up"?

4) When will we FINALLY find out if Lauren and Brody are actually Lody?? Is Brody putting Lauren before Spencer because they are an item? Is it all just a big tease? Was Gavin telling the truth in his interview that The Hills is completely fake and scripted?

So there are some things to ponder... I was so bored by last night's episode that I can't even remember the scene's for next week. Anyone remember? Did it look good?
Peace Out!

Week 12: Who am I?
1)This year is all about me and my boyfriend/pseudo-fiancé. I mean last year there was so much drama and I just want to put all that behind me and really focus on what is important... ordering my first alcoholic drink ever now that I am 21! Such a big day in my life! Last year I pranced around Les Duex in a pink tutu dress (the greatest dress EVER) with a crown on my head and had so much fun on my birthday. Now that I am so much wiser and more mature... I mean I do feel like I should be turning 25... I opted to spend a quite evening with the boyfriend/pseudo-fiancé. I met him at the restaurant cause he was making a last minute stop at the Chanel store to pick up... wait for it... the newest purse in the collection!!! It is bigger than me and has a pretty sparkly handle!!! I had to put it on the other side of the boyfriend/pseudo-fiancé and I felt like it was way too far away! I missed it so much. I am considering leaving the boyfriend/pseudo-fiancé for it. I mean I could live in it! Its the best present I have ever gotten. Well actually the dessert that I munched on while the boyfriend/pseudo-fiancé played on his blackberry is the best present ever! Boyfriend/pseudo-fiancé made me mad cause he was saying that I did not have a good time, which is TOTALLY ridiculous... I mean seriously, who wouldn't choose this awkward evening over a total over the top throw down with all my friends!!!! I am way more mature than that! Who am I?

2)I like rock bands and leather jackets!!! Both go really well with the oversized t-shirt that I pulled off as a dress. I rock!!! Tonight I went to the Viper Room to see this band that I want to sign. Did I mention I work at a really big recording studio?!? Anyway, I went with the guy that I am "hanging out" with. We aren't into "labels". I loved the band so I decided to show off how important I really am by introducing myself to the band as my guy stumbled and fell off the curb! I swear I can't take him anywhere. The guys in the band really dig my leather jacket so they invite me to "One" for a little get together they hosted. I of course agreed to go! I hit it off with the ugly band member. I don't have any interest in him, but what a totally awesome way to make my guy jealous! I know that he hates interacting with anyone else so I left him alone while I "went to the bathroom"! I couldn't tell what the two are talking about, but man my guy looked so cool! He told me later that the ubm wanted to ask me out, but he told him "I was good". wtf? what does that mean? "I'm good". Am I good, am I? Sorry, slight rant. I sometimes forget that I am a total badass and that I don't mind the "no labels" arrangement I have going on. Who am I?
3)Tonight I had a total of two words in my vocabulary... they were "yeah" and "okay". I acted like I knew what was going on as I worked this totally cool party here in Hollywood, but I honestly had no clue!!!! It was for all the young people that live here. The place that I work hosted it. I work at a really cool magazine. Usually I just fold clothes, but tonight, omg...I get to seat famous people!!!! Did I mention that I scouted the location and made it look totally cool! I couldn't get my headset to work though. I think I was on channel 11, but it might have been channel 7. It was so confusing. My intern tried to explain it to me, but I was just kind of lost. The evening was almost catastrophic because we almost started the fashion show before Hilary Duff was seated. Thankfully we dodge the bullet on that one! Whew! I think my boss was really pleased with the party. I need to go home and soak my feet cause I am worn out! Who am I?

Okay guys... I am really starting to get worried about our show! Hopefully... hopefully next week will be awesome! It looks like it will be, but who knows these days! Until then...
xoxo

Week 13: The Top Ten ways to know you are way too addicted to "The Hills"...
10) You put your phone on silent and refuse to answer it until you have seen the previews for next week. The only way you touch the phone is to text message OMG to your friends that you know are watching. If you do happen to talk to someone before the episode is over you end the conversation mid sentence with no explanation if you see the little logo flash up in the bottom right hand corner of your TV.
9) You have a collection of little dolls with various "flesh wounds" with the names and features of those friends that text or email sometime during the night telling the "best line/part of the night" without first clearing that you have in fact watched the episode.
8) You scream at the TV "you are a moron" to Audrina as she first runs her hands through Justin Bobby's nappy hair that he is trying to get dirty enough to put into dreads and then again later as she believes that he really did call her back.
7) Even though MTV is so bad about leaving no surprises, you still sit up completely straight with your legs crossed, hands clasped tight, rocking back and forth the entire duration of "cut to" between Lauren/Whit and HH/New York Elodie as they all converse about the "Declare Yourself" party! OMG!!! They are going to run into each other!!!
6) You go to bed singing Sean Kingston's "Beautiful Girls".
5) As HH and Lauren are having their IM convo you instinctively think "Oh! Oh! This is going to be sooooooo very bad when Spencer finds out!!!!!"
4) You find yourself rewinding your Tivo over and over back to the moment when HH approaches Lauren to make sure you didn't miss the apology that Heidi is apparently convinced she offered to Lauren.
3) You are no longer bothered by the sudden wardrobe, different haircut/color, facial hair/no facial hair, black to clear, back to black fingernail polish switches that all happen within one sitting and completely throw off the continuality of the show.
2) You totally appreciate the greatness that is Whitney as she offers the best moment of the episode... "Hi, I'm Whitney by the way!"
1) You jump and down screaming "OMG!!! HH just got emotionally bitch slapped!!!!!!" as she finds her way out of "the lion's den".

Okay kiddos, looks like our show is finally back on track! Next week should be super sweet! Speaking of sweet, did anyone else loose their remote and was unable to change the channel off the tragedy that is "My Super Sweet Sixteen"? OMG!!! Train wreck that I was not able to take my eyes off of! Anyway, looking forward to next week. Until then...
xoxo

Week 14: A Day Late and a Dollar Short…
but I am gonna go ahead and do this thing anyway. My apologies, but my Oxford weekend caught up with me along with being a man short at work ... so I was barely able to think yesterday. Anyway... this is going to be short and sweet today.

I Heart Whitney!!! I really thought that the terrible twosome would steal the show with all their dysfunctional drama (we'll get back to that later) but OMG... Whitney rocked this episode out! First I love that Whitney was not afraid to admit Trainer Boy was in fact a nice "starter" for getting back into the game!! The best line to me of the night was on the mountain when Trainer Boy told her she had dirt all over her and she replies "you can wipe it off for me". I know it wasn't meant to be anything "dirty"... no pun intended... but the way she said it was a little woo hoo!!! Side note... who the hell gets up on a Saturday morning and goes and climbs a freakin mountain!! (Sarah Drake is in Denver right now and is jumping up and down saying "me! me!") I will be laying on the couch Saturday morning still in a Tryptophan coma waiting on the Direct TV guy to come and install my box so that I can continue with my addiction, but hey... different strokes for different folks right:) Anyway back to Whitney and Trainer Boy... Soooo "

"What's your sign?"... and thaaaaat's the moment Trainer Boy lost Whitney. Seriously, who asks that question and why?? Then all in one run-on sentence Whitney spits out Pieces and that she isn't looking for anything serious! She just wants to have fun and dance a little. Priceless. So Whitney's back in the saddle from her breakup in May...too bad she has to find a new trainer!!!

Now on to the TT. What a freaking train wreck. One doesn't want to watch them cause we don't want to support the debacle of epic proportion that will be known as their marriage... but holy crap I can't stop myself! LOVED the church Heidi chose... woo hoo Presbyterian USA (female pastor is always the dead give away)! As Spencer sat with the bags packed all I could think was "oh no no no...what a bad idea!!!" Way to go Heidi for not putting up with it. While I think a Vegas wedding would be tons of fun... everyone knows that the wedding day is ALL about the bride. Not listening to her was not a good idea at all! And while I do think the apology was a little heartfelt... I think I just threw up in my mouth a little... I do think his parents lit a MAJOR fire under his ass!!! So shock of all shocks the TT are still getting married. Now it is just a question of whether or not we the viewers will get to see it! OMG I hope and pray that we do!!

Okay... that's it. My brain is offically thinking of nothing but turkey and pumpkin pie! I hope everyone has a very Happy Thanksgiving!!! Can't wait for next week! Until then...
xoxo!!

Week 15: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly… Reduex:
The Good: The kids are branching out from Le Duex.
The Bad: Their new hangout is already occupied by the She Pratt and her She Devil gang.
The Ugly: Roxy... homegirl was ready to take Lauren and Audrina out!

The Good: Brody steps up and doesn't take the She Pratt's shiz-nit!!
The Bad: The whole idea that She Pratt thought she could confront Lauren the way she did and that Brody would take her side!!!
The Ugly: She Pratt begging Brody to "come home"!

The Good: Audrina seeing Justin Bobby's sleazy actions with her own two eyes.
The Bad: Justin Bobby's attempt to deny said sleazy actions outside the club.
The Ugly: The girl that Justin Bobby macked with! She was just plain scary!!

The Good: Audrina finally lets Justin Bobby have it.
The Bad: She let him in the car!!! (I for one believe that if I scream at the TV loud enough that my words of wisdom to Audrina will actually go thru the TV while bending the time continuum to go back and stop her from that moment).
The Ugly: Lauren standing in the parking lot totally lost as to what had just happened. Not to mention the poor thing was looking left and right to make sure that Roxy wasn't lurking behind the dumpster ready to pounce!

The Good: Audrina lets Justin Bobby go!
The Bad: Justin Bobby's timing to get clean and sober.
The Ugly: Justin Bobby telling Audrina that she was obliviously the one on hallucinates because he would never make out with anyone in front of her!
The Sad: I will miss Lo and Lauren calling him Justin Bobby!!!
*** Side note that Audrina gets the best moment of the night. I watched her reaction to Lauren's revelation that girls can hit girls at least 3 times! The "Oh God" moment of clarity that she might get her ass kicked was PRICELESS!!!

Questions to ponder for next week... Is the She Pratt around for good now? Will Justin Bobby really stay away? Will Heidi and Spencer call it quits? Looking forward to it. Till then...
xoxo

Week 16: The 7 Stages of The Hills
1) Shock and Denial: We all knew it was coming. We all talked, text, and emailed about it. We even watched the cheesy wanna be's on the red carpet for the preshow, but nothing could actually prepare us for the fact that the show that we have become addicted to like a crack whore to her pimp, was actually coming to an end. What were we going to do at 10/9pm every Monday night? How were our Tivos and DVR's going to handle the void that was soon to come? It seemed that no matter how "prepared" we were for the finale as it was starting we still thought to ourselves... "I can't believe this is really the end"
2) Pain and Guilt: What was painful about the finale of The Hills? It wasn't watching Lisa Love tell Whitney very bluntly that Lauren had already had her chance to go to Paris. It wasn't watching Lauren feel sorry for herself about not getting to go to Paris. It wasn't even the fact that we had to sit through another scene with Spencer and the She Pratt. It was the AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL torture that MTV tried to pass off as the preshow and the aftershow. I have officially taken the title of Terrible Twosome away from HH and the Cheshire Cat to give to the host and hostess of the red carpet. It was complete agony. But like a train wreck, one couldn't help but watch. Would HH and Spencer show up together (not only is the answer no, but HH was also sans fake ring). Would Justin Bobby make and appearance? What would Whitney be wearing? Are Lauren and Brody together? What was Lauren's big announcement? If you wanted these answers then you had to sit thru watching two complete morons with bad bad bad taste make total fools of themselves. If you watched the preshow then you already had a little taste of what was to come and it almost took away all the pleasure of watching the episode itself. Painful.
3) Anger and Bargaining: WHAT THE HELL?!?!? Like the shot, it was what was heard round the world as people of all ages and gender sat screaming at their TV's as the screen turn to black as the finale came to a close. Where were the answers to all the questions we had been asking all season??? Is Lody actually Lody? Is their going to be a wedding? What happened to the Awesome Aussie? How oh how could we be left in the dark??
4) Depression, Reflection and Loneliness: So there we sat when it was done. That was it. Its over. No more Lauren. No more HH and CC. No more Whitney introducing herself in awkward situations. No more Lo's Britney. No more homeboy who wore combat boots to the beach. Monday night all the sudden felt lonely and cold. We sat thinking of our favorite moments of the show. The graffiti art. The painting over the graffiti art. The trip to see the parents. Lauren breaking Brody's finger. Vegas. Keggers and Bob Marley. Elodie screwing HH in the most terrific way. The list goes on and on. How were we going to make it through the week without anymore great moments?
5) The Upward Turn: We sit and think about it. Well it has been a great ride. If it must end then at least it ended on a high note. Lauren got to go to Paris. Heidi had finally come to her senses and gone home. Audrina had stayed away from the boy who doesn't shower. These are all good things. Our group was growing up. It is time for them to spread their wings.
6) Reconstruction and Working Through: The great thing about reality TV is that while we might not be able to check in on the gang on a weekly bases, they would not fall off the face of the earth completely. People and In Touch magazines LOVE Lauren and Heidi's feud. Brody is always straighten up any rumors, "Lauren and I are friends. That is all we have ever been." We will know if and when HH and Spencer walk down the aisle. And if it is in a church or Vegas. So while we morn the great spur of the moment comments that come from our new best friends, we still have access to their lives.
7) Acceptance and Hope: Woo Hoo!!! We sat through the aftershow for one purpose... what is Lauren's big announcement?!? Then with a drum roll buildup we have it... We're going to Paris!!! Holy!! This was the best part of the whole evening! New city, new drama!!! If you saw the previews you know what at treat we are in for!!! Then not only do we get Paris... we get to see what happens when Whitney and Lauren get back from Paris!! A whole new season!! Come on... did anyone REALLY think it was going to be over??? They can't really leave us hanging like that! Rock on MTV for finding Lauren and bringing her and all the drama into our lives!!!
Okay... that's it. Hope you guys have enjoyed reading these as much as I have enjoyed creating them. All I can say is Au Revoir and see you in Paris. Until then...
xoxo